


Giving Up or Giving In

by MsNJS



Category: Verbotene Liebe
Genre: Angst, Canon - TV, Hurt, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 10:18:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsNJS/pseuds/MsNJS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it comes to love giving in is just as hard as giving up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago. It was actually the first fiction I have ever written. I just wanted to post it here for readers.
> 
> Story begins at 2:09 part 82, 05-04-2011

Olli stretched his hand over Christian’s leg, placing it on his thigh. He didn’t immediately look into his husband’s face. His deep blue eyes had always been a magnet to Olli, but lately, their depths just looked muddled with fear and guilt. Olli’s breath fell heavy as he stared at a ripped thread in Christian’s jeans-- heavy from the fear of where this simple gesture could lead, heavy from the need of where this simple gesture could lead.

He lifted his head. Christian met his cautious, confused look with his deep gaze. Olli shifted his weight toward Christian and paused before leaning in for a kiss. It had been years since their first kiss, but this moment held the same emotions: fear, desire, love, lust, and caution. 

Luckily, history repeated itself. When they kissed, it sent electricity jolting throughout Olli’s body. He took Christian in so deeply he had to pause. Christian’s head tilted slightly to the left as his lips enclosed Olli’s top lip. Slowly and deeply, Christian kissed him. Olli could hear Christian’s lips part from his only to assertively reclaim the connection. His hand trailed down Olli’s neck to his chest and then to Olli’s waist. Christian dug his fingers into Olli’s side. His denim jeans were barely a barrier. Olli could feel the desperate desire in the clutch. If he was touching bare skin, Christian would have drawn blood.

Christian began kissing down the length of Olli’s neck. Olli lifted his head as he caught his breath from the kiss. When Christian reached his collar bone, he retraced his path with his tongue. Olli’s finger tips lightly raked up the smooth skin on the back of Christian’s neck and into his hair. He rubbed his face against the side of Christian’s head. His hair smelled like peppermint with a hint of nature. Olli loved that smell. And he loved Christian’s mouth on him. He missed this. He needed this. It was just like befo… Olli’s eyes flashed open.

“Stop,” Ollie muttered, breathing heavily. His words fell on deaf ears, Christian was in the zone.

“Christian!” he said a little louder. Olli pushed Christian away. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.” Christian whispered as he kissed Olli’s cheek and then moved towards his mouth. Olli dodged the incoming kiss.

“No.” Olli said standing up abruptly. “I just keep thinking about what you did. I...”

“Olliii,” Christian said exasperated. He had had this same conversation, this same argument, with Olli for weeks now.

”I’m sorry,” Olli replied as he retreated to their bedroom.

++

Olli nearly slammed the door in Christian’s face. Not on purpose, he’d just wanted a barrier between them. 

“Olli stop!” Christian’s wide hand caught the door. He slowly backed Olli from the bedroom’s threshold and into the room.

“Christian, I am tired.”

“I know.... of fighting me.” Christian’s hands clasped Olli’s neck. His thumbs grazed Olli’s strong jaw line. “You know you love me and want me as much as I want and love you.”

Olli gripped Christian’s wrist to pull his hands from his face. It was a small effort; instead, he only gave a short huff. Christian was right. He was tired of fighting him. He hated fighting with him. The more Olli fought with Christian the more he fought himself. His heart and body just wouldn’t agree with his mind.

“Olli, I know we have our issues to sort out… but…bitte, just be with me tonight,” he pleaded in a low, gentle voice. Christian’s eyes desperately searched Olli’s for the least bit of encouragement. They weakened Olli. It’s like they turned need and want into a physical thing. It was weighing on him, and he couldn’t resist.

Olli went in for a kiss. Leaning in to Christian, he took his lips into his mouth. He dipped his tongue into Christian’s mouth. Their tongues rubbed and twisted against each other. This familiar dance was still a rush. Olli stepped back pulling Christian into him. Christian eagerly followed his lead. Olli stepped backwards until he stumbled into the bed and sat down.

He looked up at Christian, his husband. He loved him so much-- more than Christian loved him, he sometimes thought. He blinked hard to hold back the water that tried to fill his eyes. Despite the millions of thoughts racing through Olli’s head-- ‘Be cautious with Christian, Christian cheated on you, distance yourself from Christian.’ --he wanted him. Olli pushed back his thoughts and began to unbuckle Christian’s belt.

Christian quickly grasped Olli’s hands. “No, no, no, no,” he said, “I want to suck you.” He smiled and leaned over to lightly kiss Olli. 

This was a surprise. Given recent events, Olli felt almost weird doing anything too... gay with Christian, especially having Christian do something like that to him. He didn’t want to feel like he was forcing anything on Christian.

Olli was careful, like in the beginning of their relationship. In the beginning, they’d had set roles; roles that they had since done away with. But in the beginning, naturally, it had taken time for Christian to get comfortable with certain things. Even longer for him to desire them. But he eventually did, or at least Olli thought he did.

Christian stood Olli up and pulled off his green shirt exposing his fair skin. Christian’s eyes fixed on Olli’s body as if he had never seen it before. He ran his hands down Olli’s torso and then griped Olli’s sides pulling him close.

He kissed Olli again and began a trail of kisses from his cheek to his neck to his chest. He licked his nipples and traced the hard brown circles with his tongue. He took one into his mouth and sucked hard. Olli moaned with each tug of Christian’s mouth. Christian gently grazed the firm orbs with his teeth as Olli’s head fell back in pleasure. His blood rushed to his cock. Olli was so hard; it felt like he could tear through his jeans.

Christian finally unbuckled Olli’s belt and undid his pants. His cock popped out at full attention.

“Damn!” Christian said smiling. A bashful smile crossed Olli’s face. He couldn’t help or hide how much he wanted this.

Christian again trailed kisses down Olli’s body, his navel, his stomach. He even kissed Olli’s hip bones. Christian trailed kisses all the way to the base of Olli’s cock. He always planted little, sweet kisses on Olli. In the time they had been together, Christian had probably kissed every inch of Olli’s skin four times over. “This is how I mark you,” he once told Olli. “No one can ever have a part of you that isn’t already mine.”

If only it were as simple as giving someone enough love to keep them yours.

Olli was pulled from that thought by a wet, warm sensation. When Christian reached the base of the shaft he gave it a long, broad, upward lick. He did it again. Olli looked down at Christian with anticipation. When Christian’s tongue reached the top a third time, he pulled the foreskin back and ran his tongue around the tip. Circle after circle, until he had the entire head in his mouth. He firmly grabbed Olli’s cock and stroked the shaft as he sucked the head. Olli exhaled into a smile.

Christian shifted on his knees to get more comfortable. He sucked Olli further into his mouth, moving down the shaft. He pulled back up, increasing the suction as he went; then down again, further down the shaft and further down his throat, then finally back up. Olli sucked the air in between his teeth sharply and exhaled low moans. Christian continued the progression until he took all of Olli in his mouth, pausing at the base.

“Oh my Go...” Olli tried to say, but the sensation stopped him. Olli was deep inside Christian’s throat. The muscles contracted, squeezing Olli’s cock as Christian came up. Christian repeated, taking Olli as far as he could go, deep into his throat. After the third time, Olli’s body shuddered. He abruptly sat down; his legs had lost all strength. Olli and Christian breathed heavily. A single tear rolled down Christian’s cheek but he had an accomplished smile on his face.

Crouched between Olli’s legs, Christian stroked both of their cocks as they kissed. Their tongues lashed back and forth, reaching to taste every inch of each other’s mouths.

“I love your lips,” Christian said in a low whisper, keeping his eyes fixed on Olli’s mouth. Olli smiled.

Christian undid his belt and took off his pants. Olli could see Christian’s fully erect cock trying to poke through his boxers before he took them off. Christian stroked himself to ease the throbbing, he was rock hard. “Scoot up a bit,” Christian said, climbing up on the bed to continue.

Olli lay back on the bed. He prepared himself for the next phase, but Christian had other ideas. He kissed his way down Olli’s body, stopping at all of his favorite places. He hands were in no hurry either; they caressed Olli everywhere his lips did not occupy. Christian smiled in satisfaction and traced his tongue down the trail of hair on Olli’s lower stomach. Christian licked his lips in preparation then swallowed Olli back down his throat.

Olli groaned deeply and grabbed the back of Christian head. Christian moved up and down, fast and slow, shallow and deep until Olli’s cock was coated with saliva. He then pulled back until only the tip remained between his lips and grabbed the shaft. He stroked the shaft circularly.

Christian raised his eyes and looked at Olli propped up by his elbow. Olli held his gaze for a moment but then his eyes traveled to Christian’s mouth on his body. He loved seeing his dick disappear into Christian’s mouth. Olli’s eyes flickered back up again to lock with Christian’s. He also loved looking into Christian’s sapphire blue eyes as he pleased him.

Olli’s eyebrows furrowed from the pleasure he was receiving. Christian felt amazing. He smiled with Olli’s head held gently between his teeth. “You’re almost therrree,” he taunted.

He lifted Olli’s dick and licked his balls. He alternated between them, lightly sucking them. Christian’s efforts were now rewarded with loud moans from Olli. He took Olli back into his mouth, slowly deep throating Olli again. Olli’s hips rose up to meet Christian’s mouth.

Olli pulled at the silky hair between his fingers. His other hand gripped the edge of the mattress. Olli quickened the pace. Christian no longer had to move his head; he held still and took Olli. Olli stroked in and out of Christian’s warm and wet mouth, barely controlling in his passion.

Olli’s fair skin started to blush and his panting filled the room. He quickly withdrew from Christian’s mouth and pulled down hard on his cock clutching the base. He came unbelievably hard. His body contracted as a huge stream of cum shot past Christian’s ear, grazing his cheek, landing on the bed and Christian’s back. Two more long streams hit Christian’s neck and trickled down his chest.

Olli inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. Christian replaced Olli’s hand with his own and squeezed to milk every last drop of cum. The last bit slowly slid down the head but was met by Christian’s tongue. He circled the tip of Olli’s cock. Olli’s body contracted again when Christian sucked the head and drew his lips into a small kiss at the tip.

”Wow!” Christian exclaimed with an impressed smile on his face. Olli chuckled, which turned into small coughs that made them both laugh.

“Mmhmm,” was the closest thing to words that Olli could produce. He fingers still sifted through Christian’s hair.

Christian pulled himself up to Olli and kissed him deeply. Tasting himself in Christian’s mouth was lascivious, Olli devoured it. As their tongues entwined, Olli grabbed Christian’s dick and stroked it with pressure and quick pace, pulling it toward him.

“Yeah,” Christian breathlessly whispered into Olli’s mouth.

“Yeah?” Olli asked, applying more pressure.

Christian’s eyes were closed and his breathing heavy. “Yeeaah!” He moaned.

Olli looked down at Christian’s cock sliding in and out of the hole he had created for him. He could just barely close his fingers around Christian dick at the base. Christian’s moan turned into a grunt as his body tensed. Olli felt Christian’s cock jolt and the warm cum hit his lower abdomen. Olli was a little surprised that Christian came so fast. But it made him feel good that Christian giving him pleasure had brought him to the edge so fast. Like Olli’s pleasure had been Christian pleasure.

As his breathing evened, a smile crossed Christian’s face. They kissed. Olli rotated on to his other side, and tucked into Christian’s body. Christian kissed his shoulder blade and interlocked their fingers. Their bodies were hot and tingling from their orgasms, but they soon relaxed into each other. Their breathing even fell into synch.

For the first time in weeks, there was a stillness and togetherness about them. Christian cleared his mind of guilt, and Olli pushed aside his fear, temporarily…


	2. Chapter 2

“Heeeyyy?” Christian touched Olli’s cheek. “Don’t fall asleep on me.” He kissed Olli’s neck. “I’m not done with you.”

“You got me the first time, but I really am sleepy,” Olli chuckled to mask the lie. Luckily Christian could not see his face since Olli had his back to Christian. Plus it was darker on his side of the room, only a small lamp on Christian’s bed side lit their large bedroom. He stared at the 1:47 a.m. gleaming on the clock.

Olli was anything but sleepy. He was confused, horny, doubtful, angry, needy, sad… but not sleepy. Christian had weakened his resolve once, but it couldn’t happen again. Physical satisfaction can ease mental conflicts and/or be mistaken for emotional contentment. And their issues weighed too heavily against them to let sex complicate things further. ‘It sent the wrong message’, Olli thought. No matter how true the message was, it was still the wrong one. Being with Christian made him want to forgive and forget everything just so he could hold on to ‘that good feeling’ Christian could give him.

But Olli was struggling. He had always struggled with Christian’s sexuality, even more than Christian did. Christian had never been with men before him. Christian loved him. He knew that, but his love for Olli didn’t turn off his attractions, nor did it stop the wanting for something else. Well, actually, it should stop the want. The question is, does it? Is Olli what Christian really wants? Is he all that he needs? Every one of Christian’s indiscretions involved women. Is he more attracted to women? Does he miss women? Was he just going through a phase? Or was Olli the phase? Olli’s feelings of inadequacy and helplessness had quickly snuck back in.

“Christian to Olli, Hallo?!?” The question startled Olli’s thoughts. Christian was looking down at Olli with a puzzled look on his face.

“Where were you just now?”

“Nothing, nowhere...” Olli said, mustering a smile. “Let’s go to bed.”

“No. You were thinking about something. You blanked out. What is it?”

“Nothing, leave it… I don’t want to...” Olli stopped abruptly.

“What?” Christian interjected, “Fight with me? Then don’t, just talk to me.”

Seconds of silence passed like minutes. Olli still lay in the crevice of Christian’s body, his warmth and scent seeping into Olli’s skin. He turned to lie on his back. Olli stared at the ceiling as if a response would magically appear or like he could will the ceiling to cave in and stop this conversation. His eyes shifted toward Christian who was looking at him intently.

“It’s just…” Ollie trailed off. “Are you really sexually attracted to me?”

Christian scoffed at the question, “Olli, I love you.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Olli said quietly.

“But that is my answer.” Christian said. “I’m attracted to you because I love you.”

“But I am a man.”

“Yeah,” Christian said, as he raised the covers and looked down. “I’ve noticed.”

“Do you sometimes miss being with women or what they can give you?” Olli asked.

“It’s not about what I don’t get; it’s about what I do get from you, and it means everything to me.” Christian’s voice had a touch of plea in the tone. And he was pleading, pleading for understanding and for acceptance that what he was saying was the truth.

“You act like I don’t ‘get it up’ for you or something.”Christian added in slight frustration. Olli should already understand how he affected him. He had just proven it.

“No, obviously you can. But that doesn’t mean much. Gay men have slept with women and straight men with men. You can fake physical.”

“What?!” Christian nearly yelled, sitting up in the bed. “You think I’m faking with you?” he said in the same elevated volume.

“Nein… I just...” Olli begin to say. 

“Wow.” Christian said shaking his head in disbelief.

Olli just looked down at his fidgeting hands. He rubbed his stomach and grazed over a patch of dried cum. Thirteen minutes ago, they were in perfection.

“I always thought you could feel my feelings for you. Even when I didn’t know I had them, you did. Now you tell me you feel my love is fake?” Christian’s voice rose at the end. He stared at Olli. The last word hung heavily in the air.

Olli sat up and reached for Christian. Christian jerked his arm away and shuffled from Olli. His thumb grazed his upper lip as he shook his head stunned.

“How long have you felt like that?” Christian murmured.

“I don’t know…We haven’t had sex much, since Lillie…. And then… when you do things…”

“Like with Jessica?” Christian said turning his head to Olli.

“And Miriam and Rebecca…I...I can’t help it.” Olli’s eyes fell to the navy blue sheets.

Christian repositioned himself to face Olli. “Those were all mistakes, I don’t want them. I don’t want anyone but you, emotionally and physically. Everything, only you, you have to kno…..to feel that.”

Olli just stared at the blue sheets; he seemed to be un-phased by the declaration. But he wasn’t; it touched something deep inside him.

“Olli!” Christian nearly shouted, grabbing Olli’s face forcing him to look at him. Olli’s green eyes had clouded to grey, filled with tears not yet fallen. Christian’s eyes were glazed and dire. They didn’t know if they should cry or kiss. They needed both.

Olli again blinked the tears away and sniffed. “I have to go to the restroom,” he said leaving the bed.

“What?” Christian asked in astonishment.

“I have to pee.”

++

Olli closed the door behind him.

Once he reached the bathroom, he imagined he kept walking through the living room and out the door. He didn’t want to leave Christian, but the tension was suffocating. He needed air and space. Olli shut the door to the bathroom so gently that he barely heard it close.

Olli sank to the floor of the dimly lit room; the clock glowed 2:15 a.m. His eyes finally released a few hot, itchy tears. He was thinking of everything-- things that had happened, things said and things that should have happened. But one thing trumped them all... “Be with me.” It was a pleading demand. It resonated with Olli because above all else he needed to be with Christian. It surpassed a mere want.

He rose to his feet and returned to their bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

“I was starting to think you had left.” Christian said with relief as he sat up in bed.

Olli did not reply. He walked to Christian and knelt beside him. He reached out and touched Christian’s face.

“Are you okay?”

“Ja, klar.” It was a lie. Olli was not okay, but he was going to try to be. He was going to try very hard.

His hand cupped Christian’s face as he looked deeply into his eyes. There they sat-- in their bed, in their apartment. The silence drowned out the world, and it was just them. It was only seconds, but time slowed when they embraced each other with their eyes. He kissed Christian.

Christian lay back on the bed pulling Olli with him while kissing. Olli was a bit tense, but they did not break their kiss. It was so deep it seemed like it couldn’t be broken. Christian’s strong hands ran over Olli’s shoulders and down his back. He grabbed Olli’s ass so forcefully Olli moaned and became instantly hard. He could feel Christian’s erection through the thin sheets.

Christian pushed back the sheets and lay exposed under Olli. Olli looked at his husband. He was so beautiful. He watched the faint outline of abs and ribs disappear and reappear with Christian’s heavy breathing. His legs were sprawled open. Christian’s body beckoned to Olli. He pushed his hips and cock into Olli. His fingers dug into Olli’s ass and pulled his body down to meet his, grinding into him. Their cocks rubbed against each other between their hot bodies. Christian raised higher and pulled Olli tighter.

“I want you,” Christian whispered in Olli’s ear. “Hang on, we need the...” Christian started to say. He reached for the drawer in the night stand.

“I think it’s over here.” Olli said as he reached for the night stand on his side of the bed. When he opened the drawer he saw it, something that would send this crashing down around them... again.

He lifted the unopened box. Olli had just bought it a few days ago, but he stared at it like he wasn’t sure how it got there. He wasn’t sure if he should bring them out. Olli studied the neon blue and silver letters on the black box while Christian fumbled in the other drawer. He thumbed at a corner of the box.

“Found it! Damn!” Christian said with triumphant relief. He rolled over to Olli with the lube in his hands and kissed his neck. Olli froze.

“Rea...What’s that?” His eyes fixed on Olli’s hand gripping the black box.

Olli turned to Christian, holding the box. He took a deep breath. “Condoms,” Olli said in a low voice.

“What?”

“Condoms.”

“Why?” Christian’s expression was initially, genuinely confused, but as soon as the short question left his mouth his expression showed a frustrated realization.

“Really, Christian?” Olli asked wearily.

Christian didn’t have to ask. He knew exactly why. The first time they’d ever slept together without condoms was on their wedding night. It was the ultimate present. They exchanged their bodies and more importantly their trust. 

“Olli, I ...” Christian began to say but trailed off to silence because he didn’t know what say.

“What, Christian? I’m trying.”

“Really? By saying that I have something?” His voice elevated.

“I don’t know!” Olli yelled back, matching Christian’s volume. Christian just stared at him.

“I’m not saying anything. I am just protecting myself… When we gave ourselves to each other, it was supposed to be forever. And you... YOU broke that bond!” Olli said angrily. His face streaked with tears falling from his crystal green eyes.

“I know!” Christian yelled back and quickly paused. They sat in their bed staring at each other, both not sure of what to do or say next. Christian needed to calm down, think empathetically. Olli was justified. As hurt as Christian was by Olli’s request, he understood it. “I know. I broke it…….. But we can fix it. We can have what we had. I am willing to do whatever you want…… I’ll get tested... I’ll wait… whatever you need.”

“That is the problem; I don’t know what I need.” Olli said with a defeated tone.

“You need me,” Christian replied. Silence fell, and Olli’s thoughts spun.

“Just give us a chance….bitte. And we…we’ll use these until I’m tested and...and you’re ready. That’s fine. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling.” Christian sat still, looking at Olli, waiting for a response. He wanted to touch Olli so badly, but he knew touching him might be the difference between Olli saying yes or no. And he really wanted Olli to say yes. He wanted to prove his love and needed every chance to do so. 

Olli said nothing. He didn’t even look at Christian. Olli’s thumb scratched lines in the condom box; he was in a trans-like stare.

“Olli, if you’re not ready for this we don’t…” Christian was silenced with a kiss. Olli pressed his face and lips into Christian with hast and desperation. He opened the box and wrapper, quickly slipping the condom on Christian’s cock. Despite the thinness, the latex still felt weird to Christian. It had been a long time since he had used one. He hated it--not the actual use of the condom, but because it was material proof of the barrier between Olli and him.

Olli lay down and grabbed the lube from Christian, who was a bit taken aback by this sudden change in eagerness. Olli squeezed the tube and coated Christian’s cock. He didn’t stop kissing Christian. If he stopped, he would think, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Olli lay on his back. He squeezed lube on his fingertips and coated his entrance. Christian snatched the bottle from him. “Slow down,” Christian said. Christian coated his fingers and slipped them into Olli. Olli’s eyes fluttered shut. Christian slid two fingers in and out a few times, opening Olli. He was really tight, but Olli rocked back and forth on Christian’s fingers. He wanted more.

Christian settled himself between Olli’s legs. He brushed his lips across Olli’s forehead then dropped his head to kiss Olli’s lips. Christian reached down and grabbed his cock. He placed the head at Olli’s entrance and poked at the taut opening. It seemed to have more resistance than usual. “Olli,” he said almost whispering, “relax, it’s just me.”

Olli hadn’t realized he was tense. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this. But when he looked up into Christian’s face, his eyes staring at him so intently, Olli relaxed. Christian was finally able to enter Olli. Olli breathed deeply as Christian pushed in a couple inches and then retreated. He repeated this, thrusting in further and further each time. Olli’s muscles clenched and contracted inward as if hugging Christian’s hardness, welcoming it home.

Christian finally worked all of himself into Olli. Low grunts escaped from Olli’s throat every time his cheeks touched Christian’s hips.

Christian’s hands were on both sides of Olli’s head, propping him up, as he stroked deep. His thick shaft filled Olli. In and out, he stroked very slowly and deliberately. He locked eyes with Olli. Olli wanted to evade the gaze, but he couldn’t. The blue magnets trapped him. They made him forget everything, except Christian. Christian nearly pulled out, but then plunged deep into his husband. “Ahhh,” Olli moaned and sucked in the air through clenched teeth. He pivoted his hips downward to meet the curve of Christian’s penis and thrusts.

Christian hooked his arms under Olli’s shoulders. Burying his face into Olli’s neck, Christian quickened the pace. Olli’s fingers dug into Christian’s back and the nape of his neck as Christian thrusted into Olli’s trembling and accepting body.

Christian then rose up and pushed Olli’s legs back. Olli’s knees touched his shoulders as Christian stroked harder and faster. His balls slapped against Olli as his head fell back in pleasure. Sounds of pants and smacks filled the room. Christian soon slowed a bit to catch his breath. He leaned down to Olli, breathlessly and passionately; they kissed. For a minute they were lost in the wetness and the heat of each other’s mouths. But the pressure of being inside Olli was too much, Christian needed more.

Christian pulled out and rolled Olli over to his side. Christian quickly kissed Olli before he entered him again. Christian’s long strokes made Olli clench the edge of the bed. Christian went deep and quick. Christian’s breath rushed over Olli’s lips with every panting exhalation. He was hitting the spot with every thrust. Olli was covered in goose bumps despite the heat in room. After a while, Olli held his hand up to Christian’s stomach, his ‘slow down’ signal. Christian obliged him.

“I can’t last much longer.” Olli said breathlessly.

“Me either.” Christian replied with a kiss to the shoulder. Beads of sweat ran down the side of his face.

“You feel so good,” they said in unison and laughed at each other. Olli sighed. It had been a long time since they had laughed together, too long.

“Well, then I want you on top,” Christian said with a smile. Christian lay down and propped himself up with a few pillows. Olli climbed on top. Sweat had formed on various parts of Olli’s tingling body and his toes were numb. He was almost there. Olli slide himself on to Christian. Their eyes simultaneously rolled back in ecstasy as they reconnected. Olli stroked himself as he slowly slid up and down Christian’s shaft. But Christian soon grabbed his ass and pumped vigorously.

“Jaa. Don’t stop!” Olli called out. Soon Olli’s legs clamped against Christian’s sides. He inhaled and released. Again long jets of cum projected from Olli, streaking Christian’s chest. Olli’s body shuddered, and his muscles contracted. The tightening and release felt amazingly good to Christian, who was still buried deep inside Olli.

After what seemed like hours Olli exhaled and opened his eyes. Christian was staring at him with a smile on his face, patiently waiting for him to come down from his high. Christian didn’t want to cum in the condom so he pulled out slowly, savoring the last few seconds inside Olli. Once disengaged, Olli collapsed next to Christian as if his spent body had been propped up by Christian’s dick. Christian removed the condom and wrapped his hand around his still hard cock. Christian looked deep into Olli’s green gaze and stroked himself. Olli leaned over and kissed him. Christian stroked more fervently and soon came all over his chest. His cum mixed with Olli’s and slid down his sides tracing his ribs. Christian lay against Olli as they caught their breath.

………………….

After a while, Christian rose from the bed and broke their stillness. He pulled at Olli’s hand.

“What?” Olli asked with reluctance.

“Let’s shower.” Christian said smiling.

“Okay. I’ll be in, in a minute.” Olli said. Christian hesitated for a moment but when Olli gave him a reassuring smile, he left for the bathroom.

Olli exhaled loudly and lay back in the damp sheets; the room felt hot and thick. He breathed deeply, taking in the aroma and drifted in to vacant thoughts. At this moment, he felt good, so good. So good, he got scared. It was the kind of contentment that made you blind to reality. 

“Olli!” Christian said, once again pulling Olli from descending into his thoughts. The clock beamed 3:21 a.m. He changed the sheets and walked to the bathroom.

As he opened the door, Christian was stepping out of the shower. “Where you going?” Olli asked.

“What took you so long?” Christian answered.

“I changed the sheets.”

“Ohh,” Christian said through a yawn.

“Worn out huh?” Olli laughingly asked.

“Quatsch! I’ll be waiting for you.” He kissed Olli and left the bathroom.

Olli’s smile diminished to a blank expression. He stepped in to the steaming shower. He flinched under the heat, but he didn’t adjust the temperature. The sting was almost therapeutic. If only the water could wash away his fears and clear his mind. He wanted so much to be with Christian. But something was stopping him, nagging at him to not forgive Christian. 

When Olli stepped out of the shower, the clock showed 3:48 a.m. He had completely lost track of time. He dried himself off and put on a pair of gray briefs and a gray muscle shirt.

++

When he entered their bedroom Christian was fast asleep. His mouth was slightly open and his hair was still wet. The room was so dark, seemingly darker than it had ever been. It was cooler too. All of the energy released from their bodies, giving it a warm familiar feeling, had faded. The moonlight poured in and shone over the bed like a spotlight; everything that Olli wanted was right there in that bed.

He stood on the side of the bed, a little hesitant to get in, to claim his place next to his husband. Despite how Christian had just made him feel, how he could make him feel every day, something deep down inside was different. Broken maybe?

He pulled the covers back and slipped into the sheets. They were warm inside even though the room was cold. He lay on his side, facing Christian’s back. Olli fingered through Christian’s wet hair and wrapped his other arm around him. He breathed in that peppermint smell and felt his shallow breathing.

Christian shifted toward Olli and pulled him closer. Olli was exhausted, but not sleepy. It was 4:02 a.m., but he couldn’t bring himself to sleep. He was recording; burning this image, this night, this moment in to his memory-- Christian lying in his arms, sleeping so peacefully. A tear rolled down his face.

Olli squeezed Christian tight and kissed the nape of his neck. He then pulled his arms from around Christian’s body. Olli left their bed. Once he reached the door he turned and looked at Christian one more time. He looked so beautiful, lying in the moonlight. Another tear fell as Olli turned and shut the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued at 2:46 on episode 082, 05-04-2011.


End file.
